Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
FUCK WHALES
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize