Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We have so much sex to catch up on
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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