Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
