That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
