I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
