I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
