It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
