oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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