she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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