the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
