Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
