You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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