and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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