Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
