i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
