I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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