the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
