you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
