ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
