they need to just BURY HIM!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
