My first STD was from a foam party
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
