I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
