I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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