so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
