i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
