If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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