Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
