the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
