I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
