Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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