goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
