literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're like the curious george of whores
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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