Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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