he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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