i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
