I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
