well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He passed out mid-signature
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
