I puked a lego.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
