This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
