Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
