drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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