I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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