YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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