Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
