this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
