Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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