If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
