i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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