Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
