Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
