eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
