New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it glows. i had to have it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
