before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
