I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
