Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
