Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
