I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
