Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think your dad took our porno
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
