saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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