I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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