my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
