:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
