I cannot find my penis.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
