i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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