So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
