hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
